Once Upon A Happy Time

Time now runs slower, as if to constantly remind me.
Sleep has become a thing of the past, a luxury that once was.
Nights have become so long, a never ending movie.
Everyday now I sit up and wait, hoping the dawn of day would bring with it some good news.
Am past the crying stage, a lot of tears have rolled down my cheeks none of which have brought me solace.

The nights are cold yet I sweat just as the days are full of warmth but l still find myself shivering. 

When will this end?

I wear this smile as if to show the world that all is well but who am I deceiving?
Even my smiles don't seem to believe me anymore.
Where did my joy go?
Things were so beautiful not so long ago.
I was so happy and on top of the world.
I had heard about these things, read of them but never thought I could be next.
I still don't believe it, this can't be real.
How did this happen and how could it have this much of an effect on me?
No am not getting lean.
No am not ill.
No you all can't be right.
No that can't be me in the mirror.
All these lies I keep telling myself or maybe I just chose not to believe them.
Am I in denial? Truth or lies, the fact still remains.

It is so ironic, that while I thought it was all good and could not be better; it in fact was getting worse.
I have always consoled other people, always been there as a support, always helped through pain and hurts, I understand the stages of loss/hurt/despair whatever you call it; yet I do not seem to know what to do now.
I don't know how to help myself.
How do I move past this?
I have circled through the Ws and H, a million times over.
Why did this happen?
When did it begin?
With whom and where?
How did it happen and which did I miss out?
I have tried to hide it and work has been a good friend; a welcomed refuge in which I buried worries.
But that too has began to fail...
Now I seat at my desk all day, going through piles of work and getting nothing done.
I leave for home, sit on my bed and begin the circle again.

Very sure I have been sitting here for hours now.

Looking out the window, I think I see the sun rising. A quick glance at the ticking clock to confirm, leaves me surprised - its not even mid night yet.
And so here begins another long night...

But first why is this notepad wet?
Have I been crying again?
Oh, when will this end?

To be continued...

olasupoAjayi

Just A Thought

Hard work and dedication they say is rewarded with success,

But no one says how much of an effort you should put in.

True, patience might be a virtue but patient people are often

taken for fools.

Where then do we draw the line? At what point do you give up or give in?

Yes persistence eventually pays, but what if it isn’t yielding result?

Does one continue to persist?

Insanity has been defined as continuing to do the same thing and expecting

a different result - but isn't this also the exact definition of persistence?

A man with a dream continues to pursue his dream.

He puts plans in place, does all the seemingly right things and takes the acclaimed correct routine - Yet fails, repeatedly!

Maybe there are not failures, maybe he is just learning the ways that do not lead to success

So he should try again right?

He should keep trying

He should not let go of this dream

As they say "you never really fail until you stop trying"

He is now 40, now 50, now 60 still trying, still keeps dreaming.

When would he realize that its just a fool's dream?

When should he wake up?

When should he let go of this un-realizable dream?

At what point is he labeled a failure?

A lady loves a man with all her heart and all her being

Yet he does not even acknowledge her

She would do anything for him, even give up her dreams, just to please him

Yet receive nothing from him

He does not reciprocate, does not appreciate, rather continues to push her away.

Love is patient and endures much they say

But how much patience? Exactly how long should she endure this?

At what point is she allowed to get fed up?

At what point does she leave him - leave her heart-desire and her supposed soul-mate?

When does she get to enough is enough?

When does she realize that this is a lost cause?

A guy likes a lady

She is being a lady and does not want to appear cheap

She is being hard to get

He likes her, so he persists.

Days turn into weeks and weeks into months

Its been a year now, going on two.

He keeps asking her out and keeps getting turned down.

She knows he likes her, yet keeps turning him down.

Maybe she just likes being chased

Maybe she would eventually give in

But for how long would he continue to hope

It is said that if you love someone enough you would wait for them

But its been years now, still hasn’t happened

Persistence obviously isn't working

When does he give up and move on?

When does he throw in the towel and concentrate on this other

lady that had been waiting for him all these while?

A person is nice, so nice to a fault.

She gives selflessly, never holds back.

Always ready to help, always available to serve, always volunteers.

Gives everything or almost everything she has to help people, to better the lives of others.

Yet she is taken for granted and always cheated.

They give the greatest share of the job to her because she is known not to complain.

She is left to tidy up, left to re-arrange it all, left to do all the work

Its is usually said that niceness is simply ignorance meeting foolishness

Is she still nice or has she now become a fool for being nice?

When and where does she draw the line?

When should she change? Should she just stop being herself?

A man is diligent at his work

He spends everyday at work.

Work first, life second is his motto

Gets to work earliest and leaves last

He eventually gets to do all the work in a team assignment

The boss always assigns him to tasks because he has a reputation for getting the job done.

He is known to all as "the performer", "the go to guy", "Mr Get It Done Always"

They say diligence is always rewarded eventually

Yet he has never been recommended for promotion.

Never been rewarded

Never a single incentive

Gets paid like everyone else and nothing else.

Year on year

Should he just quit, after giving his entire life to his job?

He has always been dedicated to his job but now...

Now he is 65 and being retired by the same company because he is considered too old

Will he surely still be rewarded?

When will that time come? After all his colleagues have become MDs?

Where has dedication and hard work gotten him ?

He worked hard, worked smart and worked for all.

Yet he never really amounted to anything more than a worker.

So much for persistence,

So much for working hard,

So much for dedication,

So much for patience.

All have their place but we only live once

You are not guaranteed a tomorrow

So why not take chances, live more, love more, take risks

Give people as many chances to redeem themselves

If it does not work, try another - really what have you got to lose - really!

olasupoAjayi

https://web.facebook.com/notes/olasupo-ajayi/just-a-thought/1060470420643113

21 Days of Awesomeness!

So where do I start from?

Should I shout? Should I scream? Should I keep rolling on the floor?

I really don’t know but Dear Lord, You are just too wonderful.

Lord, there are so many things You do in our lives that we take for granted. Like the free air we breathe, our friends and families that cost us nothing whatsoever and even those that cost us money, but most importantly for life. Lord I thank You for all these.

Then occasionally You do landmark things that totally blow us away.

I have been reminded today that You are still a miracle worker. That no matter how bad the situation might be, no matter what "they" have said, no matter how impossible it is - You hold the keys to all doors. You hold the hearts of all kings/decision makers/bosses in Your hand and can bend them to Your will (Prov. 21v1). You are still very much in the business of performing miracles - Oluwashindaara!

My testimonies are numerous but am not going to run through them. In fact I can't - they are innumerable. I just want to use this means to tell anyone reading this to NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD! Delay is never denial. Weeping may endure through the night but Joy surely comes in the morning. Sometimes things do not work out the way we planned. Other times things just happen that hurt us deeply such as loss of loved ones, loss of job, broken marriages, relationship issues; in all these I know it can be difficult to see hope, to see the bright side but just have faith - luckily even a tiny bit of faith is enough (Matt. 17v20). We need to understand that some doors have to be shut for new and better ones to open. Sometimes you need to be kicked out of your job and your comfort zone for you to land where your prosperity really lies.

Of course we have to make efforts. We can’t just sit down and expect miracles to happen. You can’t expect to get a job without trying. You can’t expect a girl to fall in love with you, without you first asking her out. You can’t expect to win a contract if you don't send in a proposal. We first have to try and then God will crown our efforts (Prov. 3v6). In the words of presidential aspirant Dr. Ben Carson, we have to try our best and leave the rest to God.

I am not perfect – far from it. I am more like a serial sinner, constantly falling God’s hand yet He keeps having my back. Each time I fall short and a 1000 times and a 1000 times again He pulls me up. This is really not a motivational speech, this is an encouragement. Just try God. Genuinely try Him and see the change in your life. I challenge you this day - try Him for 21 days and see if your life would remain the same – mine didn’t. Just 21 days - what do you have to loose anyway? Like they say he that is down needs fear no fall!

https://web.facebook.com/notes/olasupo-ajayi/21-days-of-awesomeness/1092684647421690

Waiting In The Hallway

There is a popular saying that when one door closes, another opens. 
Yes that may be true but there is more to it than that.
Doors close for various reasons and at various times. Its also true that God is good and He doesn't allow bad things happen to those who serve Him. 
Yet doors close, disappointments abound and these are real! 
The truth is God closes doors (something which we refer to as a bad thing), but He does for certain reasons. 
He is the all knowing God, who knows the END from the BEGINNING. (Isa 46:10). 
His plans towards us are also of GOOD and not of EVIL and to bring us to an expected end. (Jer 29:11). 

So knowing this, it simply means He closes doors and He does so for our own good.
The reason for doors being closed isn't really the crux of this discuss.
Of concern however is the fact that, everybody knows that once an old door closes a new one opens but nobody really talks about what happens while waiting for this new door to open. 

Nobody seems to tell you how long or how hard things get during these wait periods.

Imagine someone who was laid off from work, he might be lucky enough to get another the very next week or the next month but for most that isn't the case. 
Many wait for months and even years for a new one, for their new door to open. During this period, it can be hell waiting.


Waiting in the hall way as it has been termed is not one of the easiest things to do. 
Its easy to lose hope, in fact this is where many call it quit with God. We try many things, try to knock down the old door, try to create new doors of our own, try to squeeze through windows. These include taking up odd jobs, starting businesses we know next to nothing about, desperately trying to hold on to past memories, try and even begging for our old jobs/old lives back.

At this point it seems God is just mute.
Its at this point that we actually should learn who we are. Rather than trying to hold on to the past, we should seek to improve ourselves, learn new skills and generally try to get better. We should use this time to get close to God. In this silent and lonely times, where distraction is minimal, we should draw closer to 
God, listen and learn.
Rather than complaining, we should think about it this way - God's plans are always of good. He always moves us to the next level with each new door. So if this new door hasn't open yet, it might mean we aren't ready, we aren't matured enough, we do not know enough to handle this new level. We need to grow and when best to do that, than during this waiting period.
Ultimately we should learn to have faith. No matter how long or how discouraged we might have grown, one thing is for certain, His ears are not closed neither are His arms too short to help us, He just doesnt want us to end up messing it up and needs us to grow and be prepared for what lies beyond the next door that He opens.

olasupoAjayi

https://web.facebook.com/shupoajayi/posts/10153478895111135

In Pursuit of a Career

Take care of yourself! 

Put your health first always. 

Health problems / complications do not develop overnight, they are as a result of minor issues ignored or piled up over time. Sadly by the time most realize it, its usually too late. 

Prevention is better than cure!

It seems as if I just woke up and actually just realized that you are no longer with us.

Why did you have to go so soon?

God gives and God takes but this was your fault.
You were busy taking care of others and ignored yourself.
You worked so damn hard. I mean when people say they work hard am certain they haven't began to scratch the surface when compared with you.
Now all those hours and effort you put in, all for what?
Focused all your energy on your career and trying to build a great future for yourself and your family and completely forgot about yourself.

Am sure it started as a minor headache, a little tiredness, slight dizziness, you thought maybe because you weren't eating well. Its just malaria you must have told yourself.
Day after day it piled up, while you were busy climbed up the career ladder.

I really admire your hard work, admire your dedication and what you made for yourself. While most people work hard to climb up career ladders, you had to first go build your own ladder before you could even climb and kept building as you climbed. You worked very hard and we all acknowledge that. You were successful and we all know that. But all for what? You are not here anymore to reap the benefits. That's what hurts the most. Even to your family, they simply say you were busy trying to build a life that you forgot to even live the life.

At the end of it all, it had eaten too deep into you. Even the reports says if only you had come in a couple of years earlier, if only...but you didn't. It grew worse, got too complicated and finally took you.
I remember hearing you say things like I just need to finish this report, just need to get past this audit, just need to quickly attend to these files. It was one thing after the other, Monday to Saturday and even Sunday. Day in, day out. Even when you managed to spare us sometime, you were physically present but your mind was always at work.

And here we are now, putting you to rest. I do not even know if I should cry or smile. You were arguably the greatest person I knew directly. You inspired me so much. You defiled the socio-economic divide and made something for yourself. Worked so hard, sponsored so many people and inspired a lot more. But ultimately I do not want to be like you.

I mean what would it have cost you to stop for a check up? 

To eat more fruits, to drink more water, to live better? 

You could afford it, why didn't you? 

Why? 

And now I find myself crying and all I can say is "I pray you finally find rest in the Lord".

Love, your greatest admirer.

olasupoAjayi

https://web.facebook.com/shupoajayi/posts/10153486336966135

Not Such A Great Week

So it wasn't a great week. 
In fact it was a very hectic week. 
One packed full with stress and exertion. 
Some headaches, backaches, sleep deprivation, and lots more. 
And sadly its not over, there is still work tomorrow and you have to resume by 9am. 
And there goes the restful weekend.

Well in all, e bad as e bad, 
through the traffic jams and pot holes, 
the Monday morning meetings to Wednesday's queries. 
From that yeye clients to oversabi colleagues and over demanding never pleased boss;
God was faithful.
Yes I didn't win any award nor was I applauded for anything but at least dem no cry over me. 

I was stuck in traffic alot but I didn't have any accident. 
Couple of disappointments at work but I wasn't laid off. 

Yes i used panadol for slight headaches at least I wasn't hospitalized
with drugs+drips being pumped into me. 

Quarreled with wifey but at least we still love and cherish each other. 

The sun was scorching daily but at least I was not hawking or struggling in it,
sat inside AC mostly, even if na Fan e still better. 

There were a lot of disappointments and heart breaks and NOs through out the week but at least am alive. 

Went out to hustle each day and returned home - them no kidnap me or use me for money rituals.
Ahh Baba God, it might not have been the best of week but it was good enough and Lord I thank you all the same.

‪#‎thankfulHeart‬
olasupoAjayi

https://web.facebook.com/shupoajayi/posts/10153502105536135

Glass Heart

There has always been a brick wall around this heart. Not just because of the shy nature but because this heart is so fragile.

This is one heart that doesn’t fall easily but if it does, it falls for real. This is one heart that believes so much in people that no matter how obvious it seems to everyone else, it never thinks people would hurt it. Time has passed, with a lot of hurts and pains gone with it. To protect its fragile self, this brick wall was built around it.

And then sometime ago someone came in. This person had so much effect and took her time to remove every single brick, until she brought down the entire wall. She found this heart and made it hers. It was so beautiful that it questioned the purpose of the wall in the first place. Love had been found. Or so it seemed. Until she suddenly smashed the heart on the cold hard floor, shattering it to pieces. And then moved on the very next day to her heartthrob.
The pain and hurt was beyond anything. A mixture of resent, love and confusion. It was unbearable but with time each piece of the heart was picked up and mended together. It took a long time but it was finally done. Then the mended whole placed in a box, and put inside another box and sealed tight. The bricks were put up again, one after the other. This time built much higher. This time in three layers and re-enforced with concrete. Not to be bridged again.

Many have tried - many indeed have tried but with each trial, the wall was raised higher. This one wall isn't coming down anymore, well until now...

Its been years, a lot of years since then.
But on this day you walked into my life or rather I walked into yours. That smile, just that smile and I knew this was it. This one was for real.
I knew it would be hard for you, as my heart was completely inaccessible even to me.
You were for real but I had seen too many hurts to let you in.
You were genuine but I just couldn’t bulge.
Too many memories, too much hurts.
But you were patient, you didn't go anywhere, you kept waiting. Slowly I started to believe in you.

After days turned into weeks, to months and then years... You found a weak spot and drilled yourself a hole through which you came.
I still don't believe it but you found your way in. And somehow you won me over with that smile. Though, I had my reservations, I knew without a doubt that this one was for real.
Finally I let you in.

Went in search of the keys to the boxes and gave them to you.  Surprisingly you were in no rush to open them.
And when you finally did, you took out my heart, placed it on a glass table and said to me...
I loved you so much, but it took you too long to do the same.

And then you turned and walked out. But just as you did, the helm of your scarf tugged the glass table and the rest is history...

olasupoAjayi

https://web.facebook.com/shupoajayi/posts/10153533629556135