I have been listening to the song "the reason I live" for a while now and some of the lyrics seem to have stuck. I now find myself singing along... "Time & Time I ask myself, How I made it this far if not for your grace". "Where would I be without You, oh God?!". "You've never left me alone". "You are the reason I live".
Suddenly it occurred to me that I have achieved so much and come so far, yet I don't think I have shown gratitude or acknowledged the one who made it all possible.
To be honest I don't even know exactly how I was born, or how I learnt to walk, talk, see, hear and eat. I just did. For many of these things, I had no idea what was going on but He taught me how. I know I definitely cannot count all God has done for me from birth but for this show of appreciation, I would focus on the last three years of my life only.
I would start from May 2014, when I was offered an admission to pursue another degree at UNILAG. Yup a PhD! I myself was wow'ed by the very thought. Never really thought myself as an "efico" or bookworm. But here I was with an admission letter. Back then I was working an 8 to 5 job or more like a 7am-10pm really and still wanted to run a PhD. along side. It's safe to say that didn't work out so well, as in the first six months, I didn't pick up a pen or even enter the gates of the University, despite being just 10 mins drive from my office.
Contemplating the direction to go, I took the decision to God for help and clarity. I know it might sound weird, when I say I took it to God in prayer but I really was confused and no one was giving any advice that "fit". It was a struggle between staying on at work or returning to school. Many people advised against going back - as they couldn't justify the need for a PhD, considering that I had next to zero passion for academics. Notwithstanding, somehow I got an offer as an Assisting Lecturer - how that came about is another testimony in itself; as my name strangely disappeared from the list of shortlisted candidates. I took that as a sign and in January 2015, I quit my well paying job to focus on my studies. Sometimes I still wonder if that was the smartest move, but am glad I did nonetheless. Prior to that and in December 2014, I spent "ALL" my money on a new car. So here I was totally broke, had no savings whatsoever yet I was quitting my job for one that paid less than a quarter.
I resumed school in February 2015 and I vividly remembered my first day at work when my supervisor and boss (same person) welcomed me and immediately told me "you can start". You can't imagine my shock. Start? Start what? Start where and how? No classes, no textbooks, no course outline. Just start. Honestly I think that was one of my most confused moments in life. For about two weeks, I sought help and directions from my senior colleagues on what exactly I was to do and how to get started. I got a few pointers from different people but it wasn't until I locked the door and knelt down in my office to ask for divine help did I get a direction. After this, I randomly stumbled upon a then recent publication and from there my program took off.
Fast forwarding six months, I was applying for my first examination. I remember going on my knees on the corridor and thanking God, right after my supervisor's approval. The application came as such a surprise to many but being approved by my supervisor, it had to be honored and so my examination was scheduled. There I stood in my over sized suit, standing before a panel of about 12 examiners and numerous observes. Half of whom I was certain were definitely thinking, "what does this one know", or "when did he resume that he is already being examined - what arrogance". Sensing some of these thoughts I really was scared but trusted God, because I was absolutely certain He wasn't going to leave me hanging. And so I began... After the whole process and series of Q&As, I did enough to be scored an A. One exam down 7 more to go.
For the second exam, candidates are expected to show the shortcomings of existing works in an area of research and propose their own solution. On my own I had read just over a hundred articles and publications, yet with no significant progress. Sitting in Nigeria and researching on one of the state of the art concepts in IT was not very easy. I got an opportunity to attend a conference abroad and that opened a vista for me. How the trip materialized is again another testimony, as I definitely couldn't afford the conference fee or the flight ticket and I wasn't being sponsored by the University yet I attended!
Away from school, the rent on my house was due and well I would have had to combine almost 5 months salary to pay it. But again as God would have it, I spoke with my landlord telling him I was back in school and to my greatest surprise, he told me I could stay for free until I finish my program. Mheen to say I was dumbfounded would have been an understatement. I didn't know whether to hug the man, to jump or scream. I just sat there looking as the man kept smiling at me. "Thank you God", was in my head.
Fast forwarding another eight months and my supervisor was approving my application for my second examination. At this point I must explain how much of a feat this was. In my department, many of my colleagues had been on their PhD for an average of between 7 to 10 years, and had probably done only two examinations in that period. And here I was in just the space of one year, getting approval for my second examination. I wasn't just going to present a model solution to an identified problem but I already had preliminary results also.
My second examination was definitely not the easiest. It was now very clear that there were a number of people who did not like me. In fact there were many open confrontations as to why my model could never work. How I was too naive to have come up with such a solution on my own, and how it must have been a copied work as the time frame was just too short. There really was a list of criticisms. Yet through this another section of examiners were applauding me all the way. At a point it became a serious war of words between the examiners, with occasional pauses to rain questions on me. My examination lasted for over an hour and at some point, I just blanked out and asked God for help, because I didn't know the answers to all the questions being asked. Honestly I still believe I failed that examination, but somehow three days after when I saw my result and I had 72% (A), I just broke down in tears - I don't know how but God, You are just too awesome.
To be continued...
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